"I Believe"

Waiting,Faking Smiles, Isolation and HOPE

My heart is heavy tonight. That's a pretty loaded title huh? Let me break it down by category :)

Waiting
I feel like my life is a series of waiting. Waiting for my period. Waiting for the next doctors appointment, next ultrasound, next blood work. Waiting to take the next pill, next shot. Waiting for ovulation (or at least the shot that makes me ovulate), waiting for the IUI. Waiting to either see one or two lines. Waiting to repeat. It's exhausting.

Faking Smiles
Tonight I spent wonderful time with dear friends and their beautiful babies. It makes me smile but it breaks my heart. Todd LOVES kids. He will play with any kid that will give him the time of day and it breaks my heart, but I smile. I call it faking smiles because on the outside I'm truly happy to see so many happy families and I wouldn't take away a minute of time spent with our friends with children but I sit and wonder month after month if we'll ever have that. Will I ever give Todd the children I know he wants so badly? Will that ever be us? I don't know, but I'll keep on smiling.

Isolation
This is the hard one. Infertility isolates you. It is so hard to listen to people talk about planning pregnancies when you know first hand that its not that easy for everyone. Its so hard to be that couple thats been married for almost 3 years and doesn't have kids in a huge group of couples with kids or kids on the way.  I don't fit the "typical" military wife. I have a career and no kids. To most people I look like a heartless women who doesn't want children. Todd and I often feel like we don't have any close friends here and while we're pretty sure we aren't bad people, mean people, rude people or not fun to be around we always feel like its because we don't fit in one of two categories: 1. young,married, still want to party or 2. young,married,have kids or pregnant.  It seems like being open about our infertility struggles isolates us more to some people because they don't know what to say/can't relate/feel guilty that they don't have trouble trying to get pregnant but I also feel like our lack of children and lack of desire to party like we did in college isolates us as well.  I feel like we're just stuck in this weird place and I don't like it.

Hope
But there is HOPE. Our church sermon this morning was about hope. Hope for new beginnings. Hope in God's promises.  I don't know where this journey will lead us but I have hope that God will guide us and show us the path.

I will keep smiling and having hope for better days.

Green Light

::TMI warning::

My not-so-beloved cyst previously referred to fondly as CeCe is GONE! After 4 weeks I got the green light to start Provera (aka progesterone to force me to have a period since I can't have one on my own) to start a new cycle. I take Provera for 10 days, wait for my period then will start my last round of Femara.  If this round doesn't work then I'll meet with Dr Smith (the RE in Denver) in January to move onto injectable meds and discuss our IVF options.  And thats where we're at with that.

Thankful

Yes, I'm late with a Thanksgiving post.  We just got home this afternoon from 5 days in Texas with family. I'm especially thankful for family. Words can not describe how thankful I am for my family and for Todd's family. We are blessed to have such love in our lives.
I'm thankful for our jobs. I'm thankful that I go to work everyday and do something that I truly love and that makes a difference in someone's life. I'm thankful that Todd serves our country so that I can be thankful for al the freedoms we have. I'm thankful that our jobs pay the bills and put food on our table. I'm thankful that our jobs give us the ability to travel to see family.
I'm thankful to serve a Lord that loves us and provides all we really need.
I'm thankful and I'm blessed.

Seriously? Is EVERYONE pregnant?!

I really mean it. I went to a squadron dinner tonight and I swear I was the ONLY wife either not pregnant or not already with kids. Since the guys got home there is seriously 10 women preggo. I feel like everytime I turn around there is someone else announcing their big news. And to top it off our old squadron commander's wife just found out she was pregnant with her SIXTH kid, and SECOND one unplanned!! Oh, and did I mention she is 43!! I know literally about 15 women pregnant right now and all of them got pregnant within 3 months of trying (or without trying at all). It completely boggles my mind how easy it is for some people and we do SO MUCH and yet its still not happening.

::vent over::

Something Different

A post about something other than infertility. Vacation. While it seems like Todd just got home it also seems like there is something/somewhere he has to go every month until his next deployment. We want to squeeze in a pre-deployment/anniversary trip sometime in late Spring. Where should we go? While we would love to go to Europe we're thinking financially that will not happen. Some other thought are, California wine country, Pacific Northwest, New England, Hawaii. 

Taking suggestions...

This storm

I've heard this song at least 1,000 times but tonight while driving to dinner I turned it up really loud and actually listened to the lyrics. This sums up my heart on many a days...


Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns


I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down 
and wiped our tears away, 
stepped in and saved the day. 
But once again, I say amen 
and it's still raining 
as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away. 

And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind 
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again 
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 
if I can't find You 
and as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away 

And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm  

I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 
I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 

And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 

And we wait...

Went back to the doctor today to see what the cyst is doing. We named it CeCe the cyst last week since apparently fertility meds and cysts create symptoms like pregnancy except I would only be giving birth to a 8cm cyst. Anyway, CeCe has not gotten bigger but has also not gotten smaller. Dr. Diehl is pretty conservative and doesn't want to operate on it unless it gets bigger/significantly more painful so the plan is to wait 4 weeks to see if it goes away then start Provera (progesterone to make me have a period) to start a new cycle. Basically means we won't be doing anything fertility wise for about 6 weeks (you take Provera for 10 days and don't start your period for about 4 days after) and all we do is wait. One one hand its another whole month wasted but on the other hand even 4 months of treatments has taken its toll on  me physically,mentally and emotionally so I'll take it as God's way of giving me a little break. My left ovary is and won't do anything while the right ovary is consumed with CeCe. Once we start this cycle in December it will be our last one before meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) from Denver in January about injectable meds and IVF.  I would LOVE to think we weren't heading that route but my response to meds thus far is proving that its going to take more than "conservative IF treatment".

That's all thats new here. Todd will be gone most of November. He leaves Thursday for an air show in Miami (tough job huh?) and will be home about 4 days before going to Arctic Survival School in Alaska for 9 days. He'll get back just in time for Thanksgiving.

I'm always right

About my body. It's true. Since I was young I've never been wrong when I thought something was wrong. This month with IF (infertility) treatments everything has just been "off". I'll spare you the majority of the TMI details but my cycle didn't start right then about 3 days in I told Todd I felt like I had a cyst, I've had different (and worse) side effects with the meds and got a slight infection. So I go to Dr. Diehl this morning for my usual bi/tri monthly ultrasound and I tell him when he walks in the room, "I think I have a cyst on my right ovary". Being a typical doctor, he kind of brushes it off and says "we'll take a look'. Sure enough, BIG FAT 8cm cyst on my right ovary! What does this mean exactly? 1. I can't ovulate with a ginormous cyst so 2. this cycle is officially cancelled, 3. we keep monitoring the cyst to either shrink, burst, remove it or take ANOTHER drug to get rid of it. (We want it to shrink or burst).  I go back on Monday for another ultrasound to see what's going on. It just seems like its always something. The other big frustration with this is what I've previously said about IF drugs, you only get 4-6 months of them before you have to move on because they're not intended for long term use. So, in a nutshell, this was a wasted month. I could tell Dr. Diehl is getting frustrated/disappointed with my body's lack of/poor response to the drugs. We had our first discussion today about moving onto more time spent with Dr. Smith (the Reproduction Endocrinologist in Denver) to pursue injectable drugs/IVF. as well as the possibility of having to take more "break cycles" to give my body a rest from the stress of the drugs.  Why can't my body just work like its supposed to?? Why can't my body at least respond to the drugs like its supposed to?? Its just so frustrating and self defeating.

I hate feeling broken

We start our next cycle this week. Number 4

 Another couple in our squadron today announced that they were pregnant....the first month they tried. Some people make it seem so easy. And then there is me. I have to take a total of 3 different hormone based medications to even have the slightest resemblance of a "normal" cycle, keep a daily log of what cycle day I'm on so I know when to take what, when to pee on what and when to do you know what while going to the OBGYN to have 3-5 ultrasounds a month to time things down to practically the precise hour that my over medicated ovaries decide to release an egg to wait 2 long weeks to be told, once again, it didn't work this time. It's such a feeling of failure that I can't really explain.  I know getting pregnant takes time even when everything is working normal but when you have so much intervention you'd hope for more success than failure.

I wasn't even ready for all of this.

This wasn't our plan.

Sometimes I wish ignorance had just stayed bliss.

But His plan is greater than mine. His will is ultimate. And I will sit patiently in His grace, by His grace. And wait...

My new car is smarter than me!

This week has had a very unexpected event..we bought a new car!! We had been talking about it for MONTHS but have mostly just been waiting for 1. the right time to buy OR 2. something going horribly wrong with my Explorer that would cost more than its worth to fix. Fortunately (or unfortunately) both happened on Monday. So after having to make a fairly quick decision the Ford dealership here made us a great deal on a 2010 Mercury Mountaineer. Its basically a newer much nicer version of my Explorer :) It has some really smart, voice activated features. Here are a few pics.

It's going to be a loooong week

And I even have tomorrow off! Todd and I were supposed to go to San Antonio this past weekend for a wedding but due to the outrageous price of plane tickets we weren't able to but we had already put in our time off requests so went ahead and kept the days off which I'm really glad I did because we have a 2 day course this Saturday and Sunday that is 8-5 both days AND we don't get paid for going. Sounds fun right? And Todd has the big Operation Readiness Inspection (ORI) this week that they've been training for since they got back from deployment. SO GLAD it's going to be over soon! Needless to say, may not blog much this week.

We had a good weekend. Date night on Friday, pretty low key and football all day Saturday and they usual church and Bible study today. Eventful yet relaxing weekend.

If you're wondering where we are in this crazy IF (infertility) mess this is currently what is known as the 2 Week Wait (2WW). AKA waiting for either 1.my period or 2.pregnancy. Bet you really wanted to know that! Either way, I'll have an answer by this weekend :) If #1 happens (which my gut-no pun intended) says will then its likely the whole process of last month will repeat. I responded well to Femara so Dr. Diehl will likely not change too much. If nothing happens after probably 3 more months then I'll move on to injectable medications.

So there's your update in a nutshell :) Happy Columbus Day!

Just for the record

Fertility drugs SUCK! I hate them. I hate the way they make me feel. I hate the way they make my skin look. I hate the 5 lbs of water weight they give me every month for 2 weeks. I hate them. Most of all I hate that I have to take them.

::steps off soap box::

Add one more man to that list

Had my first monitoring ultrasound of this cycle today. Dr. Diehl had a student (as usual) who was, of course, male. :/ Plus Lyndee, Dr Diehl's nurse, there were 3 people in on this ultrasound. Awesome. It went well. Dr. Diehl said my ovaries/uterus look like they're responding better to the Femara than they did with the Clomid. I go back Thursday for another ultrasound, that one should tell a lot more. Got the results from Todd's semen analysis. I guess I should ask his permission to post about this but everything was normal so I doubt he'd care. So it's just me with all the issues...as usual...

We had a pretty uneventful weekend. Since I had my HSG Friday we just laid low that evening. Had some pizza and hung out with the neighbors. Saturday was the first Black Hills A&M Club "tailgate". It was great meeting new Aggies. The couple that hosted the event are actually from Desoto, Tx-my high school's rival and they graduated in the same HS class as my cousin. Talk about a small world. I was "elected" Vice President of Activities/Muster. I'm very excited about this because I have a HUGE place in my heart for Muster and was very sad I didn't attend one this year so I'm looking forward to planning next years. My first activity to coordinate was a game watching party for this Thursday since we will actually get the game live here! BTHO OSU! (Oklahoma State University for you Ohio people). Sunday after church we drove through Spearfish Canyon-the leaves are at they're peak and we rode the motorcycle. It was breath taking! Then we had our usual couple's Bible study and called it a weekend! The next month or so will be pretty uneventful for the Saksa's, nothing really big until Thanksgiving in Texas!

Too Many Men in my Business

My OBGYN is a man. And in the almost 3 months that I've been seeing him he has done a total of 6, count them, SIX pelvic exams/pelvic ultrasounds. For those that don't know what a pelvic ultrasound is it's where they insert an ultrasound wand into your vagina and are able to look at the uterus (specifically the lining) and the ovaries (specifically the follicles). I have to do these about 4 times during each cycle as it is the only way to really know how my body is responding to the medications. While I love Dr. Diehl there is always a little awkwardness since he is a man.

Today was my HSG and, of course, the radiologist was a man. The HSG was surprisingly not as horrible as I had made it out to be in my head. Granted it was NOT comfortable, but it was also not painful. And the very sweet doctor and nurse actually listened to my requests to hopefully make it less uncomfortable just based on how well general pelvic exams go (i.e using a pediatric speculum, how I lay, etc.) It really was just a glorified pelvic exam with different tools and a lot of cramping. The whole procedure was over in about 30 minutes and he showed me the results right there. Everything was normal. YAY! Except for that it still doesn't give any more information as to why my body is unable to ovulate on its own, it just rules out a lot of reasons why.

The only good thing about having male doctors is that they legally have to always have a female in the room during a pelvic exam and I've come to find that they always have the sweetest nurses :)

On a side note, since I'm blogging, because I'm not in Bismarck this weekend like a was supposed to be then I get to join Todd at the FIRST Black Hills A&M Club party!! WHOOP!!! I'm so incredibly excited to get to meet other Aggies in the Black Hills that aren't also in the Air Force!

No Bismarck :(

Just found out today that my 2 day class in Bismarck, ND was cancelled :( I'm very bummed because I've been really wanting to go to this class, and also see a new state that I've never been too. They have no plans to re-schedule so who knows if I'll make it now.

With that, my HSG got moved to Friday since I'm already scheduled to be off work I'm going to just keep the day off. Todd will also be able to go with me now.

Because I'm tired of answering this question

I have talked to my doctor about my running. I've been dealing with this for 10 months, we've talked about everything. If running or any other form of exercise was affecting my fertility it would be evident in my blood work and I would respond normally to drugs.

And I wouldn't have the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, which I was given before I even became a runner. I also have Celiac Disease, which affects fertility.

HSG,SA & Femara, Oh my!

This will be a busy week!

Today I start Femara, drug #2. It says it may causes drowsiness so I'm not going to start it until tonight. I PRAY that I have less side effects than with the Clomid! The night hot flashes alone were enough to make me hate that drug! I only have to take it for 5 days and I can do anything for 5 days.

Talking to Dr. Diehl's nurse today, who by the way is SUPER sweet and understanding about all this and really tries to help me work appointments around my work schedule. And speaking of work schedule, while my boss doesn't know WHY I keep going to the doctor she is always very understanding about people needing to take care of things like doctors appointments. HUGE helps with all this. Anyway...my HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) is scheduled for this Thursday at 11:00am, also the same day I'm supposed to drive 5 hours to Bismarck, North Dakota for a class that is Friday and Saturday. Talk about a busy day! They said I could drive after the procedure and that I may just feel uncomfortable. So what is a HSG you may ask? (**TMI Warning**) An HSG is an xray where I will lay on a flat table (not intended for a pelvic exam) and a radiologist will use a tenaculum to clamp my cervix where he will then insert a catheter into my cervix to inject dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to take a picture to look for any abnormalities on the inside of my uterus or blockage of the fallopian tubes. Its not supposed to be very comfortable :( (aren't you jealous?) but the whole procedure should take about 30 minutes. My doctor doesn't necessarily think that anything is abnormal or blocked, its just a standard test to "cover all the bases". Which leads into the other big test of the week-Todd's semen analysis (SA). Obviously we know the big problem is the way MY body works, but its also good to make sure nothing is wrong on Todd's end so he gets to go tomorrow morning and do that.

Please pray for GREAT results with all testing this week! This week will either tell us a lot more about whats going on or it will just rule out a lot of things. I start my next round of ultrasounds to see how I respond to the Femara on Monday.

Something New to Blog About

Infertility.

Yep. I said it. The dreaded word that no couple ever wants to hear.

Here is the long version. **TMI Warning**


Almost 10 months ago when Todd deployed I decided to give my body a break from all medications, namely birth control pills. For 6 months my body did absolutely nothing, I had no period. I did not ovulate. (I had been doing Ovulation Prediction Kits so by the time I went to the doctor I'd at least know that) I got to the point where I knew something wasn't right so I went to the base OBGYN to start trying to find some answers. About 15 blood tests and one "Progesterone Challenge" (Take progesterone for 7 day to induce a period. No response). I still had no answers and was referred off base to an Infertility Specialist OBGYN named Dr. Diehl as well as a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Denver named Dr. Smith. Dr. Diehl consults with Dr. Smith so that time traveling to Denver is kept at a minimum. Dr. Diehl looks overall my labs and tests and basically told me in May that the only way Todd and I would ever have children is through fertility treatments or Invetrofertilization (IVF). My official diagnosis teeters somewhere between Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and "Unexplained". The problem being that I have no clinical blood work or findings to confirm PCOS but I do have some, but not all of the signs and symptoms. Dr. Diehl then decides he wants to start one round of treatment, on Clomid, and do some more testing to see how I respond. I have to tell Todd all of this via Skype as he is still deployed and at that time we decided we still weren't ready for kids or for the stress that infertility treatments would bring (schedules, counting days, different hormone meds, endless doctors appointments,etc) We leave it at "we'll do the 1 round, see where we are, and wait until we're ready".

Flash forward to August when "round 1 begins".... BTW- Clomid is an evil, evil drug that causes SEVERE bloating, mood swings and hot flashes like a 60 year old going through Menopause. HATED. IT.

Naturally, my body doesn't respond to the drugs the way it's supposed to prompting Dr Diehl to inform me that "it may be more difficult than just taking a pill and making things work". Naturally, we begin to question what we do now. Are we ready to go down this road? What if it works next month? What if it doesn't work for years? Through lots of prayer and conversation God placed a scripture on my heart that actually hangs on a wall in our house. "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails". Proverbs 19:21. God revealed to me the many times just in my relationship with Todd that He has worked things out in HIS timing, without any help from me. So we concluded we would begin this journey of infertility and see where the Lord takes us. This was certainly NOT in OUR plans. Had I not even taken a break from medications in January, we wouldn't even know all of this. We also feel that right now we are in a place where we 1. have excellent health insurance that covers A LOT of infertility treatments and 2. We can logically and rationally makes decisions that are not emotionally drivenBut we do and that can only be part of God's plan. We don't know if it will be short. We don't know if it will be long. We don't know if it will end with trying IVF or heading towards adoption. But we do know that we will trust the Lord and His guidance and ask that you simply pray with us and for us. Pray for God's will. Pray for patience with the process. Pray for Grace with each different drug that I take. I will do my best to update my blog. Please feel free to email or call if you have any specific questions. Especially those of you that have shared the same struggles.

So that's my heart. In a nut shell :) So where do we go from here you ask? I start Round 2 on a different drug called Femara on Monday and will likely also have a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) (sp?) possibly this Thursday to look at the inside of my insides to check for any other problems they may be missing.

I'll write a separate post about the HSG and what I think about Femara another day.

Thank you for reading this long post and welcome to a new place in my life. This hasn't been an easy road thus far and I fear the worst is yet to come. This whole process feels unnatural and when you live in a community of baby making machines it's sometimes a lonely place to be the one whose body doesn't work the way its supposed to.

Will I ever update?

I know, you're dying to know what we've been up to.

I WILL find the time to update with details of Todd's homecoming, our big Wyoming vacation and life post "reintegration".....just not today....

Its not too late for May right?

I was doing SO GOOD about at least blogging once a month...I made it almost 5 months! Since it's June 21, I'll go a head and update May and June since the next week and a half of June won't be that exciting to wait an extra week to hear about.

May was in every sense of the word, a roller coaster ride! I went to Texas, Dallas this time, for another wedding of another grad school friend. The wedding was only about 2 miles from my sister's house so I was able to spend some time with her and see friends as well. It was a quick trip as usual but so worth it!

Then my mom was supposed to com in town on May 28 but mother nature had other plans and decided to send massive downpour, tornado filled storms to the Black Hills on May 24 which led to our basement being flooded. Coming home after a long day at work to standing water in your basement is not exactly "ideal". This was the first time I've ever just stood frozen in time literally not knowing what to do. So I called my dad...who also didn't really know what to do since they don't have basements in Texas like we have them in the north. So I made a few other phone calls and got my very helpful neighbor and within about 2 hours I had a whole team of help including neighbors, friends and the Stanley Steam 24 hour water restoration team. It wasn't a fast process because of the holiday and the extent of the water damage but after 10 days of frustration, yes, a few tears and maybe a couple of inappropriate choices of words the basement got put back together...and re-arranged thanks to my mom :) My mom was awesome and changed her flight to come in 3 days early to help me with the basement so I didn't have to take off too much work to deal with it. She ended up being her for almost 2 full weeks and we did a lot of touristy things and A LOT of house things to try and get stuff done before Todd comes home. I think she was glad to finally go back to Texas!

May 31 marked mine and Todd's 2 year wedding anniversary! It was kind of bittersweet not having him here to celebrate but I did get to talk to him and since it was a holiday I shared the day with my closest friends and my mom here in South Dakota. I know he will likely miss other anniversaries and that's ok because he's proudly serving our country. There will be many other days to celebrate when he is home.

The first weekend of June was full of activity! On Saturday June 5, we did something called the Volksmarch at Crazy Horse Memorlal http://www.crazyhorsememorial.org/events/volksmarch.html We got to hike to the arm of the still in progress monument. You can only do this one time a year and we missed doing it last year so I was really glad to get to do it this year. What a different perspective of this giant monument!

Saturday June 6 I ran the Mickelson Trail Half Marathon in Deadwood...another nationally known event that I was happy to be a part of this year. The Mickelson Trail is part of the "Rail to Trail" system and spans 100 miles of the Black Hills http://gfp.sd.gov/state-parks/directory/mickelson-trail/default.aspx They do bike races and bike tours on the trail as well that I'd like to do at some point.

June 11-14 I went to Las Vegas for a weekend with some college friends. After all the drama in South Dakota with the house it was nice to just get away for a weekend, eat some good food, see a show and see one of my best friends. I didn't win big (didn't lose big either) but really just had a relaxing time.

Yesterday, June 20, I did my first ever Triathlon here in Rapid City. It was a sprint triathlon so 800m swin, 20K bike ride and 5K run. It was a lot of fun but I'm not sure I'm going to make Triathlons a regular part of my insane endurance sport schedule. I'm not particularly fond of the swimming part. I'd do this race again, and maybe one other. I definitely have a new appreciation for Ironmen! Holy Cow! That is just INSANITY!!

Well thats my wold travels and recent events. July will be pretty slow. I work the next few weekends (including the July 4 holiday) and I'll be spending time making sure all is ready for THE BIG HOMECOMING!! July 28 is the unofficial homecoming day! I'm trying not to count down yet but last I heard I think its about 34 days away! I am VERY much looking forward to my best friend being back and going on our "Western National Parks Road Trip"! So likely, I will no blog until August!

May

For the 3 people that read my blog- I don't feel like blogging. The basement flooded in a bad storm last week and I've been dealing with that for the past week and a half now. Maybe I'll finally update next week when sanity returns.

Something to Look Forward to

Why am I blogging about something to look forward to you ask? So that its in writing and other people can be excited, maybe even a little jealous too :)

We've tossed around a lot of ideas as far as what to do and where to go when Todd gets home the end of July. There are some minor details that keep us pretty limited including:
1.Todd will have just gotten back from a 6 1/2 month deployment on crazy, mostly drug induced, 12+ hour work shift sleep schedules that he needs to get back on track.
2. The exact day they get back may change up until about 2 days before they get home.
3. They get 2 mandatory weeks of leave for free but have to actually take leave if you go more than about 8-10 hours away from base, i.e driving distance.
4. They ONLY have the 2 mandatory weeks because they have to be back to work 12 Aug to start preparing for a HUGE base exercise called Operation Readiness Exercise (ORE) in which they have a "mock" ORE in September and the real deal in October.

So where do you go when you live in South Dakota, want to "get away" but not have to actually take leave and not break the bank because you still want to go on a "big trip" after ORE?? Well here's the plan:

We're going to rent a camper from outdoor rec on base to be our traveling hotel (think $100 for a whole week!), pack up some food, the dogs, our bikes, our rock climbing gear and head west with stops at Devils Tower National Monument, Grand Tetons National Park, Yellowstone National Park, Jackson Hole Wyoming, Bozeman Montana and Theodore National Park in North Dakota before heading back to Rapid City. It makes a big loop if you look at it on a map and we're calling it our "Midwest National Parks Road Trip". We got our National Parks pass this year since we have 2 National Parks just here in South Dakota less than an hour from our house so we want to get its use and see the beauty of this part of the country. Others may not see this as an awesome trip, but we're pretty excited!

Like I said...something to look forward to :)

April Showers bring May....snow?

I really hope not. But we do have a chance of snow overnight tonight with a "Winter Weather Advisory" in the hills. It snowed the weekend we moved here April 24, 2009 and on May 2, 2008 Rapid City did get a blizzard. I hate to say that winter is not over yet :( Like a co-worker told me last week, "we have 4 seasons: June, July, August and Winter" SO TRUE!!

April had some good positives:

1. We reached the halfway point of deployment on April 20!!

2. I went to Chicago with two of my sister in laws for a weekend!

3. Todd turned 27

4. We "celebrated" our one year anniversary in South Dakota :)

While the weather is currently cold and windy with snow in the area we have had some great days thrown in there for a tease. One Sunday it was 70 degrees and I ran and biked and took the dogs to the park and literally did everything outside I could think of, it was so great!! It was funny this week mowing the yard for the first time and then driving to work with snow flurries the next morning. Needless to say, I'm VERY anxious for the weather to be consistently nice so that I can enjoy all my outdoor activities :)

Work is still great. I can't believe I've almost been an OT for a year! Once I reach my "year of experience" I can have students under me which is something I'm really looking forward too because I'd love to teach in an OT department at some point in life. I have to really interesting patients right now that are really challenging my skills.... and I like it :)

Todd is still busy busy flying and dropping bombs on the bad guys ;) We've been on pretty opposite schedules lately so talking has been really inconsistent and spread out which gets hard. It's also been one of those weeks where everything seems to go wrong, specifically things that I don't or can't fix. Lucky for me the guy that painted our house and finished our garage markets himself as a handyman and conveniently lives around the corner from me so he has graciously been helping me out with random things.

Yard work- specifically trees and my vegetable garden is still at the top of my "to-do" list but the weather doesn't want to cooperate with me on the weekends to get anything done. Otherwise, not doing much to the house right now. I think I need a hobby other than running and biking. Any suggestions??

Stressful Life

Conversation between Todd and me yesterday:

Todd: What are you doing?

Me: I'm unloading the dishwasher.

Todd: I always unload the dishwasher when I'm home.

Me: Well you'll have plenty of dishes to unload when you get home.

Todd:You can't make me being gone an excuse to make me do dishes.

Me: You an't make you being gone an excuse to NOT do the dishes.

Todd: Sometimes I may need a break...from the stress.

Me: I'm fully aware that you are flying in combat but you are in no way living in a stressful environment.

Todd: Sometimes they close the pool for a whole day. I can't deal with it.

Ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work :)

Somewhere Out There

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Tomorrow is 7 days since I've gotten to actually talk to Todd. It's a struggle.

March Madness

So here we are in April already. I'd love to say that time is just flying by...but I'm not sure I feel like it is. We're not even to the half way point in deployment and that thought is sort of depressing. I'm still staying positive and keeping busy but the end of July just sill seems so far away :( I fortunately have at least a small trip to look forward too each month until Todd gets home so I have something to look forward too.

March started, as usual with my birthday. 26. Not the exciting. I celebrated the actual day with a couple of friends at Buffalo Wild Wings (YUM!) Then had another little get together with 4 friends that Saturday at Beaujo's-the amazing gluten free pizza place in Colorado that recently opened in Rapid City. Todd did a wonderful job with birthday gifts from the other side of the world! He sent me beautiful flowers to my work, managed to plan for a card to arrive on my actual birthday and got me a "wine of the month" club membership to one of our local wine shops! All in all it was a good day and I couldn't have asked for more.

Other than the usual work keeping me busy I was able to make another trip to Texas, this time for a wedding. It was a whirlwind trip that was mostly spent in a plane or a car but it was worth it. I got to spend time with my parents in Austin and I traveled to Houston for the wedding of an OT school classmate so we got to have sort of a mini reunion and I stayed the night with my best friend since childhood, Liz. It was wonderful time spent with all. Liz is pregnant with her second child and it was great seeing her, her husband and their toddler Will-he's so adorable!

As for updates on my house "to-do" list the paint is FINISHED and looks sooooo good! No more white out walls! The garage is finished and is so much warmer and looks great. When they get the spring cleaning storage stuff on sale I'd like to add more shelves in the garage and get it a little more organized but it'll do for now. I put knobs on all the cabinets in the house and they look great. And the grand finale, the carpet, gets installed next week!! I'm super excited about the carpet because we've had nice new carpet in the basement since we moved in but the upstairs has been the same old, flat, dingy, builder's grade carpet that was originally put in the house. It's going to look wonderful!

Now that its trying to get to be spring I'm looking ahead at my yard work. We wanted to plant trees in the back yard last year but never got around to it before the weather changed so I'm hoping to do that pretty soon. I've also been figuring out my vegetable garden. My tomatoes did really well last year so I'm going to do plant those again and I'm thinking some bell peppers, beans and peas. One of my patients is an expert gardener and has been giving me some tips. I'd also like to add some bushes to our front flower bed so that it doesn't look so sad in the winter. But we'll just have to see once we start getting the consistently nice weather what I get done! It snowed yesterday and it snowed the last week of April last year so I'm not getting too hopeful for the big change anytime soon. The few really nice days that we have had has just been a tease and gotten my hopes up for being outdoors again!

Coming up in April...Todd turns 27 and I'll visit Chicago with 2 of my sister in laws!!

February Update

Three blogs in about 2 weeks..oh my! Don't get too excited though, this one will be short. February was not all that exciting. With the exception of working, the only thing out of the ordinary that I did was fly to Texas the weekend of Valentine's Day and run the Austin Marathon and see family. It was a great weekend and the race was great. Other than that-it's still cold in South Dakota and work still keeps me busy :)

10 Things to Love about South Dakota

Its no surprise that I hate winter in South Dakota and I do find myself complaining about it. A lot. But I have to remind myself that there really is a lot to love about this state too. Here is my top 10 list, in no particular order:

1. Mt Rushmore. It really is an impressive masterpiece.

2. Crazy Horse. Will be avery impressive masterpiece once it's finished but is also very cool to see while in the process of being completed.

3. The Badlands. Awe inspiring and breathtakingly beautiful. God did good when he made them.

4. Spearfish Canyon. It's like another world all of its own nestled within the Black Hills. Hiking to the various waterfalls is quite enjoyable.

5. Custer State Park. The Cathedral Spires, Needles, Scenic Needles highway and, of course, the free roaming buffalo are spectacular.

6. Harney Peak. You feel on top of the world. Or at least on top of the Black Hills.

7. The Corn Palace. Come on, it's made of CORN. 12 different colors!

8. Wind Cave National Park. One of the oldest National Parks and largest natural caves.

9. The Black Hills. (In general). There is a beautiful scenic drive along interstate 385 from Custer all the way to Spearfish that is winding roads, gorgeous lakes and rich evergreen trees. And they're almost majestic looking from the foothills in Rapid City.

10. Wall Drug. Need I say more?

An Idiots Guide to Living in South Dakota

Just a few things I've learned in the past 10 months...

1. There are only 2 seasons: Mild and Bitterly Cold. Please dress appropriately.

2. On a typical day the wind blows 30mph. During the winter (6 months out of the year) the wind blows 60+mph. Out of the north.

3. No need to buy a gym membership when you can shovel your driveway/sidewalks an hour a day 3-5 days a week.

4. It is perfectly acceptable to put "yet" or "then" at the end of a sentence. Any sentence.

5. Hockey is the only recognized religion.

6. Don't talk to the drunk Indians.

7. In case you didn't see it on the driver's licenses, licenses plates, quarter, street signs, 500 billboards, etc Mt Rushmore is in South Dakota!!

8. Winterize your sprinkler system BEFORE October 1st. (For you Southerners you have to blow the water out of your sprinkler systems and completely shut them down before winter so the pipes don't burst)

9. If it's January and 40 degrees, that's called a heat wave.

10. If you don't own a Harley or a Snowmobile you better start looking. Or find a friend that does.

11. During the winter months don't bother filling your fridge with drinks, just keep 'em out on the deck. They'll stay cold.

12. Snow Day=Blizzard. No exception.

13. Space heaters can be your best friend.

14. A "Wind Chill Warning" means that you can get frostbite if outside for more than 20 minutes.

15. MMMM...Buffalo...the other red meat

I'm sure I can add more to this one later (then).

January Update...only 5 days late

I'm not doing too bad at my New Years resolution to update the blog at least on a monthly basis. I'm only 5 days late :)

January was a whirl wind month! We spent New Years here in Rapid City with friends, both returned back to work and before we knew it January 17 or Deployment Day was upon us. The week of deployment was pretty stressful. Lots to do, pack and make sure we had done. Todd traveled from South Dakota to Maine to Germany to Kuait to their final destination in "Southwest Asia". It's been just about 3 weeks since he left and it's definitely taken some getting used to but I'm managing. Work keeps me busy as does marathon training, the dogs and the frequent social 'events' that the squadron organizes. Other than deployment, not a whole lot happened in January.

February brings the Austin marathon February 14 where I'll travel to Texas for 4 days to see family, hopefully a few friends and run another marathon. This one will be quite different since Todd wont be there and I've never run one completely by myself.

I'm also having 2 of my major projects that I'd like to get done while Todd is gone completed starting next week- finishing our garage and painting the inside of our house. The garage will be insulated, sheet rocked and painted which will be HUGE for the frigid winters up here! I know it's a cop-out that I'm not doing the interior painting by myself but painting is just really not something that I want to do. I have no motivation to tape, move furniture, drag out all the stuff and paint over 2,000 square feet of house from top to bottom. And I figure I work hard, we're getting some nice bonuses for deployment and tax return is headed our way so we can afford it. I'm REALLy looking forward to the non-white out looking walls we have now. The other big project that I'd like to get done is re-carpeting the upstairs but we'll see when that gets done. I'd also like to do some little things like add knobs to cabinets and change the door hardware. I think it would be nice to get our punch list of home repairs done before Todd gets home so that we can just enjoy life when he gets back.

The weather up here continues to be depressing- cold and snowy often. I've found that shoveling snow has come to be one of my least favorite chores to do and I find myself being being very jealous of my neighbors with their spiffy gas snow blowers. I think I'll write a book entitled "101 things they should tell you before moving to South Dakota". There might not be 101 things but maybe I'll blog about a few of them sometime.

Well that's all I have for January!

2009: Year in Review

Since I effectively became the world's worst blogger in 2009 I'll start 2010 with a review of last year since I have failed to blog since October. I suppose I could make a New Year's resolution to blog more regularly in 2010, but if I actually say it's my New Year's resolution then I'll be sure to fail. So we'll just cross our fingers :)

~January & February:
Not a lot happened the first part of 2009. I started my second (and final) clinical rotation at Hendrick Medical Center in Abilene, Texas working with Early Childhood Intervention (ECI), the Wylie Independent School District and Outpatient pediatrics. Todd continued B1 qualification and the last weekend of February we ran the Ft Worth Cowtown Marathon.

~March:
I turned 25 in March and FINALLY, after 3 years of hard work FINISHED my Master's degree in Occupational Therapy! About the time I finished my internship we had finally gotten our orders to PCS to Ellsworth Air Force Base in Rapid City, South Dakota. The bad news of March was that I was officially diagnosed as having Celiac Disease. Although we had known since Christmas 2008 the official testing and subsequent results were found out in the middle of March.

~April:
Todd turned 26 in April and about the same time we bought our first house! God definitely had His hand in this one as we bought the house "sight unseen" and never actually stepped foot in the house until the day before we signed the papers. It's been a great house, everything we want/need and it's been fun actually being able to put our own work into a home. We still have quite the laundry list of things we'd like to do to the house but its coming along nicely. We took 3 days to move to South Dakota traveling up through Amarillo, Texas to see Palo Dura Canyon and eat at The Big Texan and then went through Colorado stopping at The Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs and Denver before making it to The Black Hills of South Dakota. We were welcomed with SNOW on April 24...which has pretty much set the stage for the weather up here.

~May:
May was a very exciting month. As we got settled into life in SD and Todd began his final stages of training in the B1 as a Thunderbird in the 34th Bomb Squadron. I first of all took and passed my National Board exams and became an official Registered Occupational Therapist (OTR). I finally walked the stage and got my diploma in San Antonio the end of May and shortly there after was also licensed to practice in the State of South Dakota! I was offered a job at the local hospital, Rapid City Regional where I started in Acute care, made my way to Inpatient rehab and am now working as the outpatient OT. I absolutely LOVE my job, my co workers and all that it has to offer. And finally, on May 31st we celebrated our one year anniversary!

~June, July & August:
We spent the summer enjoying the beautiful weather riding our road bikes, going hiking and mountain biking, running a few local races including a half marathon, a duathlon and a 50 mile mountain bike race. We were also able to make a trip to Minnesota to see family. We also had several visitors come stay with us that made for good times enjoying all that the Black HIll have to offer including The Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Crazy Horse, Custer State Park and Wind Cave National Park to name a few. We learned the hills and found some favorite little cities we like to spend Saturday or Sunday afternoons in. We also experienced our first Sturgis Motorcycle Rally! A week long motorcycle rally that basically takes over the entire Black Hills for a week of craziness.

~September:
Todd left for 3 weeks of deployment training in Las Vegas, NV for an exercise called Green Flag that in a nut shell he spent 3 weeks completing "missions" directly related to what he will be doing while deployed. While he was there I got the opportunity to go out and visit for a weekend and experience Vegas for myself for the first time. It was fun, we didn't do any gambling but did go see the Hoover Dam and caught the "Love" show by Cirque du Solei (AMAZING).

~October:
Todd got his "call sign" in October, the name that he will from now on be referred to as long as he flies in the B1, SWAGR. There is a story behind it, but I'll save you and just leave it as call signs do not have good stories attached to them. We also went to a Family Life Ministry "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference which was a huge blessing to our marriage. The snow also started in October and winter officially began. We had very cold temperatures and lots of snow almost the entire month.

~November:
Weather wise, November was more bearable. We didn't get much snow and had "milder" (relatively) temps. We traveled to Boulder, Colorado and met some friends to see A&M play Colorado and have a weekend of fun. It was great seeing friends and watching some Fightin' Texas Aggie Football! (Even though we lost and had an overall bad season) We traveled to Texas for Thanksgiving visiting Fredericksburg and Austin and spent 5 days with my family.

~December:
December was quite the busy month! We had our squadron Christmas party early in the month. We traveled to Detroit and Columbus the week before Christmas to see Todd's family and celebrate Christmas. We got stuck in Minneapolis trying to get back to Rapid City due to freezing fog and ended up taking a charter bus back to Rapid City only to make it back 2 days before our first blizzard hit. I've always wanted a "white Christmas" but I didn't need a whole blizzard! That was quite an experience! We learned a lot about weather and snow removal during the 2 days we were stuck inside. Just before New Years we went to Spearfish, SD for 2 days and tried our hand at cross country skiing and snowmobiling. Both were a lot of fun. Snowmobiling is definitely an expensive hobby which I'm pretty sure is what motorcyclists do in the winter. It's certainly a whole different world. We stayed in a cute and cozy lodge in Spearfish Canyon (our FAVORITE place in the hills) and it was a nice little "get away" before Todd leaves. We spent New Years Eve here in Rapid City with friends and kept it petty low key.

So that was the year in review...in a very small nut shell. This past year we've had some big life changes and have had to learn a whole new lifestyle being in the north. Buying heavy winter clothing and learning about snow removal and how to prepare for blizzards has certainly been new. We tried and fell in love with many new outdoor activities. We were able financially to seen family and friends more this year even being so far away. We tried 4 different churches here but have finally found once I think we will call home that I hope at least I can get more connected with in 2010.

2010 will bring new challenges, Todd leaves for Qatar for 6 months in about 2 weeks and it will be the longest separation we've had since we got married and the first time he will get to do what he has been training for the past 4 years to do. As of today, Todd is also officially a USAF Captain so that was a good start to the new year. As for me, I'll be running the Austin marathon in February and hopefully will make it to a few weddings this spring in Texas but otherwise will stay here and work, work work.

I'll do my best to at least blog once a month this year. Unfortunately, the first 6 months of the year might be pretty boring since Todd and I won't even be in the same country! I'll also try to add pictures :)

Here's to a new year!